I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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