ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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