Please, let me fuck your mom
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
