You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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