Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Randomize
