I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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