I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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