Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
