dude i'm inner monologue high
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Randomize
