if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I pour the whiskey from now on
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
