glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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