I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
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