Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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