maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
