I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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