My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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