she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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