Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you inspire me to be a worse person
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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