I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
high people should be assigned attendants
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
