it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
