I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
