Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
