margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
