i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
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