Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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