I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
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