Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
