Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I have demons in me.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
