Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
