i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
