I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
