Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
