Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
