God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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