I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
