Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
