I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
