Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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