My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
