He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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