He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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