It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
