Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
