if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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