dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Randomize
