if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
