He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
