I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space