Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?