I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
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Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
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I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.