There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
