I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
You're a waste of cheezeits
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.