her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week