There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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