you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
