didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
