She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
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