apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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