Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
