Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Success! We fucked roommates!
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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