woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
