I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Randomize
