Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
