There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
