I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
