I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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