It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
