I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
