Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
two words: eviction party
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
