i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
