Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
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