I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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