My friends, they love my intelligence
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Randomize
