I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
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