He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
