It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
