If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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