theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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