In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
