is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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