Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(781): View more from Massachusetts

Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.

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(310): View more from California

my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?

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(859): View more from Kentucky

I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated

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(408): View more from California

I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.

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(920): View more from Wisconsin

So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome

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(425): View more from Washington

I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.

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(334): View more from Alabama

I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.

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