He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
