Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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