dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
how drunk are you?
Several
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
