Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
we're chasing vodka with high fives
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
