Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
it hurts more in the daytime
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Randomize
