I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
