I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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