I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
