My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
