I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
