I bet he comes in French.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize