Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
